Banded For Life: Archive

Jun 1st

5 notes

May 28th

4 notes

Long time no see? No. Talk? No. Oh yeah... Type!

I haven’t blogged in a while… I don’t know why obviously I have smart things to say, you all are on the edge of your seats waiting for months right? No? What’s going on with me? Oh I’m so glad you asked… I had lap band surgery on March 9th, 2009… the day of surgery I weighed… prepare yourselves, 624 lbs… I weigh alot less then that today, I...

May 18th

1 note

Aug 20th

What the Heart Wants.

The puzzle of my life sat unassembled on the floor, Scattered around and missing pieces, it seemed unsolvable. You came in my life and put the pieces together. You’re hands have the power to make me feel better. I look in your eyes and see what is possible. Your smile fills my heart with joy unspeakable. You make me feel like I can be so much...

Aug 11th

Mind Numbing

Days of indifference, Nights of no consequence. Life is what you make it, Apparently I’m good at making shit. The proof is in the pudding, My pudding spoiled on the shelf. I am not who I used to be, I’ll never be who I want to be. My mind is numb, No way to cut it to make it feel. My...

Apr 13th

1 tag

Sexy For Summer - Day Five!

It’s day five technically… I know I know it’s just after midnight so it shouldn’t really count, but damnit I do what I want, lol. If I don’t do it now I’ll forget to, and then I’ll be mad at myself so I think I’ll just go ahead and do it now. Days 1 - 5 Have been pretty stellar, I didn’t stick to anything perfectly, but I feel ok with the...

Apr 13th

20 tags

Fuck the Insanity... STOP YOUR MOUTH!

So it’s been forever since I posted here and frankly it’s because nothing in my life is changing. I’m still fat, still single, still feeling pathetic… but it’s time to make a change! There are 74 days left till summer, and while I can’t realistically be at my weight loss goal by then I think it’s time for me to make a serious life change and adopt a new style of eating. So here goes… Sexy For...

Apr 8th

Mar 6th

Mar 2nd

Seriously?

I woke… psh woke up… never went to sleep ahahaha. I turned on youtube, because that’s what I do I turn on youtube, I don’t go to the webpage or anything… anyways. I clicked on a video and it was perhaps the funniest song I ever heard in my entire life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYU0bS_Upgc After watching this three times and just about pissing myself because...

Feb 18th

Shoutout!

I love this blog and now she’s doing an awesome giveaway: http://www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com Please check her out and follow her blog! They are amazing!

Feb 7th

1 note

I'm just a skinny boy shopping in the fat man's...

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here so I thought, what the heck let’s post something! You all get to be the benefactors of my most recent shopping experience. You may not like it, but you’ll probably read it anyway, because at least one of you have shared this experience. So I don’t shop in stores, because I don’t like the stigma of walking into the fat...

Feb 7th

2 notes

Jan 25th

Dec 25th

Rumblings of the mind...

Seems like forever since I’ve written anything here, but thought maybe I would just put up a blog about the rumblings of my mind. I sit here, feeling fairly alone, everyone on my friends lists logged off or busy having a lovely Friday night. My mind spins with the possibility someday I will have have a “lovely Friday evening.” It seems as of late I’m only becoming more...

Dec 12th

One Day to the Next...

I feel pathetic, stupid and useless on most days. I feel completely alone, and tortured by the truth. My body has me trapped in this place of self-hate, self-loathing, self-disgust. I spend alot of time thinking about the future, and never thinking about the now, and just how completely and horribly disgusted I am with myself. I hear constantly that I am an inspiration, and still feel like a...

Nov 30th

Binge List

Why do I binge: Emotional response. Response to confrontation. To feel better. To feel normal. To not feel alone. Anger. Loneliness Boredom. Hurt feelings. Self-hate. Self-defeat. Memories. Connection with food. Comfort. To not feel empty. To be satisfied. Because I don’t think I can succeed. Pattern of bad behavior. Because it makes me feel good. BECAUSE I LOVE TO! ...

Nov 30th

Binge...

I sit here depressed over something that I’m not even going to get into, because if I do it’s only going to prolong this process. Listening to “One Song Glory” from Rent. I’m eating another cup of cereal the binging began about three and a half hours ago… Here’s what I’ve had: 1 Yogurt (110) 4 Slices of processed cheese (280) 4 Slices Sargento...

Nov 5th

Just An Update

I haven’t blogged in a while so I thought maybe it was time. I sit and listen to Mandy Moore Gardenia, sleep deprived and can’t seem to stop yawning. I find myself not being able to close my eyes to sleep at night. I don’t know if it’s a fear of not waking up or just the opposite. I know that I find myself saying things like that often and that worries people, but...

Oct 19th

This and That... an Update

I haven’t blogged in a while and I thought that it was time. I have been really spending alot of time on social networking sites and maybe that’s why I don’t blog as much, but it is good for me put my feeling out there here. Today I slept through breakfast and lunch and then ate bacon and eggs for dinner, and followed it up with some sugar free Dove chocolates (which are yum,...

Sep 30th

Something New... Something Old...

I used to really enjoy writing poetry, several of my poems were published in our school newsletter in high school. A the time I thought it was the only thing I was good at. While I may not be the best I tried hard and put alot of emotion into what I wrote. Here’s one poem that I wrote after my uncle who was 45 at the time died of a massive heart attack: Gone To Soon (1996): A young man...

Sep 9th

Antishay

I feel the need to blog here because I’m so angry. I have dealt with this bullshit long enough. I said that I wasn’t going to cause more drama, but I didn’t start anything that happened tonight. Shanti is going around and telling people that I am mentally unstable, including my friends. She accuses me of bastardizing her reputation, the things I said in my video were things...

Aug 22nd

The Climb...

I sit here with Miley Cyrus “The Climb” on repeat. I feel like I’m failing miserably. I’ve gained 6 pounds in the last few days, actually to be completely honest I was down to 383 lbs and now I’m back up to 394 I’ve gained 11 pounds. I am completely and utterly disgusted with myself. I feel like I’m failing my band. My life has been surronded by drama...

Jul 30th

Ancient Internet History...

I’ve so often heard the phrase, dance like no one is watching… it’s now time for me to live like no one is watching. I have limited my opinions, life, and loves because I was so concerned about what everyone else thought… My life is now my own, my body is changing and with it I change a little bit at a time. I have spent to long trying to satisfy those around me and the...

Jul 28th

Feeling Alone... Surrounded by an internet full of...

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, so here goes. I’m feeling especially lonely tonite, I don’t really know why, there’s nothing different about tonite. Maybe it’s because everyone is out having a life while I sit at the computer and wait for someone to exchange dialogue with me. This is similair to most blogs and I probably write it here because I...

Jul 20th

New Blog - Sorry The Other Ones Are Now Private.

It’s nine pm on a Friday night and I sit alone watching Rent Live On Broadway for about the tenth time this week. I am in utter love with this movie. I watch it more then once a day at this point. I think that this is perhaps the most brilliant musical ever. Sometimes I wish I could slip into the role of one of the characters… Angel if you can believe that. The freedom that she...

Jul 11th

What is wrong with me????

I sit here with this question in my head, it repeats, louder and louder till it’s almost unbearable. Why do I act the way I do? Why do I bother everyone? Why do I think anyone should give a crap about me? I don’t deserve anyone’s time or attention. I clearly have shown that. I only push away the people I like the most. I pester them, consistently annoy them. Why can’t I...

Jun 25th

My Bucket List

So I watched “A Walk to Remember” tonight, I totally sobbed through the end of it, this movie is amazing and if you haven’t seen it totally check it out. I also recently watched “The Bucket List” again and think that maybe I should make a “Bucket List” or a “List of things to do before I die.” So here goes: 1. Find someone who loves me as...

Jun 3rd